I have struggled with the right way to write about this subject. What do I say? How do I encourage other women and families that are going through this same thing? My number one thing with this blog is that I want to honest, authentic, and encouraging. Beyond this point is the raw emotions and words of what I have gone through this past year. I’m not looking for pity, I am hoping that in sharing my experience I can let other women know they aren’t alone in this.
Why was the first time so easy? 7 months into marriage, Sterling and I got pregnant with Echo. I gave birth to a happy, sweet baby boy and we were over the moon. We went back and forth for a bit as to whether we wanted to have another baby. It has now been over a year and half since starting to try and conceive. January and May will be forever in my heart. Though I lost the pregnancies very early (at 5 & 6 weeks), I hold onto the thought of meeting those babies one day.
I struggle to find the right words and even questioned whether I wanted to share anything about this. My family never talked about infertility or miscarriage. They always talked about how easy it was for women in my family to get pregnant. In January when I got the positive test and then lost the pregnancy, I was not sure how to feel. I was confused, sad, and overwhelmed. I thought I did something and it was my fault that the pregnancy didn’t stick. How was I supposed to cope with losing a pregnancy? I didn’t cope well. Then in May having the same situation happen again, really took a toll. Just after the second loss I met with my midwife where we discussed it all. She referred to the pregnancies as “chemical pregnancies”. I walked away from the appointment confused and frustrated again because I felt like my losses were minimized and brushed off. It is really tough getting a positive pregnancy test and then have that taken away. The highs and lows of these emotions have taken its toll on me.
It is now January, and I still don’t know how to feel. I don’t have the right answers. We have not gotten pregnant. And I’m emotional. I tell my story and share my emotions in hopes that I can encourage other women who are going through loss. Each story is different, but you are not alone. You don’t have to grieve alone. One thing that really helped me was sharing all this with my closest friend. Knowing that I wasn’t alone, and that I had my husband and my friend in my corner. You are so strong, and this hurt will be healed.
I started this blog to take you through my journey of going green, and to share family life with you all. This is my real life. It’s hard, not perfect, and crazy. I really hope that in sharing my struggle and hurt, that it helps you in some way. If you are feeling depressed or hopeless please talk with a doctor or counselor.
Thank you so much for reading! How have you overcome loss in your life? Comment below.